Tuesday, October 21, 2014

How to be a Final Girl...

Needless to say I watch my fair share of Horror Movies this time of year... I mean don't we all. 
And like any other self respecting Horror Fan I've noticed a few things that tend to end you up on the Dead List.

Since I definitely want to be a Final Girl if I ever find myself in a Horror Movie Here are my absolute necessities for surviving ANY Horror Movie :) 

1 .A Good Pair of Running Shoes... because lets be honest, there is no surer way to die in a Horror Movie than to find yourself running for your life barefoot... or God forbid in a pair of six inch stilettos. They are going to break, you are going to trip and the werewolf/zombie/bad guy murderer is going to GET YOU! Sensible shoes my dears they'll save your life. 

2. Rope ... Tie them up, tie yourself up in a tree to sleep at night a la Katniss Everdeen, create a trap for unsuspecting zombies and or other non preternatural killers. Horror movie bad guys, while notoriously terrifying are not particularly intelligent for the most part a well placed trip wire or hidden noose can be just what you need to slow the bad guy enough to slice and dice him and secure your place as Final Girl.

3. A Weapon of Some Kind... although I'd go with a Crossbow because you look like a BAMF and it allows you to kill from a distance and keep out of harms way (perhaps while you're tied up in the tree).  Other notable mentions are guns, hand grenades, chainsaws, pepper spray, or if you are caught between Michael Myers and hard place a good old fashioned Butcher's Knife or Handy Axe. Lock and load ladies it's gonna be a rough ride if you don't have the hardware.

4. Snacks/Water... protein, protein, protein and Hydration. Because the bad guy may be able to run all night (after all he's the bad guy) but you won't be able to if you don't have some serious snack-age (preferably in an easily eatable on the run form). Our bodies don't run on fumes and if you have snacks you have an edge over the girls/guys who weren't so prepared. After all I don't have to out run the guy with the chain saw... i just have to outrun you :)

5. My Car Keys... I know we've all seen the Geico Commercial with the kids in the horror movie. In all likelihood there would never be a running car waiting for you. It won't be that easy. But for the love of God how many people have been killed in Horror Movies getting into cars and fumbling to fin the keys only to realize they are in your dead friends pocket... make sure you're always the one with the keys girl.

6. Last but certainly not least... I would need my a very large bottle of a very strong liqour to make me forget everything that happened ... because lets face it whats the point of making it to the end if you can't celebrate afterwards :)

I'm pretty sure I could make it through a horror movie with these supplies, and  a few well placed hiding spots. However no matter what you have in your box of goodies... you won't survive a horror movie if you don't follow the rules. SO don't be an idiot, turn on the lights, don't have sex, don't go anywhere alone, and for the love of all things holy don't listen to the idiot who says "whats the worst that could happen" because they really really really have no idea.

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