Monday, March 30, 2015

The Post I Don't Know How to Write...

Tuesday March 24, 2015 my wonderful Papa went to heaven to be with the Lord, he was 68 years old. He was a wonderful man, a great father, and an even better grandpa. I consider myself beyond lucky to have been able to know him these past 23 years. To know him was an amazing experience, and I can't imagine this world without him in it.

He was so much more than just my grandfather, he was my friend. One of the few people I could be myself with, someone who always listened when I needed an ear, and offered advice when I didn't know what to do. He always knew what I needed to hear, I think that was because we were so much alike. Both fiercely opinionated, stubborn, and so often far too serious for our own good. My papa got me. Much like my mom gets me... makes sense since the things we have in common seem to have come from him. She doesn't see it, but I do. It breaks my heart into a million pieces when I think about the fact that my children will never know that sparkling wit, that contagious smile, I never imagined he wouldn't be here to see my children that thought never once crossed my mind.

I could go on all day, telling you the hundreds of things that I loved about him, all the many things I will miss, all the infinite number of ways my life won't be the same without him in it. But I'll just leave it in the words of someone far wiser than I ...

"The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living" - Cicero

Because as long as those of us who love you are alive, you will be too. In our thoughts, our stories when we tell our children and grand children about the man you were, in our memories, and my mothers beautiful eyes.

**Side Note: I've been struggling over the past few days with this post, wondering what I should write, or if I should even be writing it at all, after all despite the fact that I have this blog, and share so much with all of you there are still parts of me that I hold back, the biggest part of that has to do with family. I decided this morning that I would be remiss if I didn't write this post because you guys deserve to know what's going on with me, and my Papa deserves some sort of memorial on my Blog because he was the single biggest support of me I've ever had, he was a big Tesla fan and you should know about him.**

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Treating my marriage like a dance...

It occurred to me recently that I blog about a lot of things, I blog about makeup, school, clothes, and friends. I blog about my cat, my family, and the things I hate... but what I never blog about is my marriage...

I'm sure your probably sitting there going "is she insane? she talks about her marriage all the time..." But do I really? 
I mean yeah... I have blogged about our wedding, our honeymoon, the places we have visited, and the fun things we do together, i've even blogged about the home we share; but none of those things are our marriage.

Those are all parts of our life together,  part of our story, but they aren't our marriage...

Our marriage is the million little things each day, the give and take, the team work, and the love that we share that's our marriage.

You may be wondering why my post is called "Treating my Marriage like a dance"...

I guess a more appropriate title would be treating my marriage like a waltz, In a waltz one person leads and the other person follows that lead. Just like every waltz, every relationship has a leader and a follower.  In our relationship for the first eight years I was the leader.

I'm not proud of that fact... But it is a fact. I am such a control freak, and when I met R and we started dating that didn't change. I'm the one who asked him out, the one who made the first move, and I was even the one who brought up sex for the first time. Sadly I was also the one who pushed him to ask me to marry him. Fortunately, he didn't when I begged. He waited to ask me to be his wife until he was ready and I'm so glad he did. Because that moment changed who was leading our dance.

When Ridge asked me to marry him something changed in me, I'm wasn't sure what it was at first. I didn't fully understand it, and honestly I wasn't sure if the change was permanent or if I was just so elated that I would be his wife soon that I forgot I cared about being in control.  But through our year long engagement and in the six months since our wedding I realized that the change in me is for the better, and that it's not likely to change back any time soon.

I defer to him, not saying I let R make all my decisions, because I don't. What I do is I consider him in making my decisions, and when he decides something for the both of us I respect that decision. Most importantly though I consider him personally now, and how my decisions affect our relationship or our marriage before I make them. 

It sounds like a little thing, giving another person consideration but honestly in a marrige it's the most important thing. Loving one another is too... but if you only think about your self and your needs then your marraige is in more trouble than you think... there is no place for selfishness in a marriage.

Just something to think about if you are married... or thinking about it?
What do y'all think? Am I just crazy?

Love Yall!