Monday, January 18, 2016

10 Things I've Learned From Being a Trucker's Wife...

[WARNING... IF YOU DON'T LIKE LONG POSTS WITHOUT PICTURES THEN THIS POST ISN'T THE ONE FOR YOU]

This life ain't for the faint of heart... Not even one little bit...
These past few months of our marriage have been certainly trying and while we have made it through, pretty well I think, there have been some major adjustments and some lessons learned.
Here are ten of those lessons.

1. There Are No Guarantee's {aka don't make dinner plans}
There are going to be times when he say's he's coming home, and you'll think YES! and decide that a date is in order because you've missed him so much over these past few weeks. But the truth is he never know's when he's coming home, and therefore it isn't possible to plan to go out. It could be 5:00pm when he gets home, or it could be 2:00 am and you might not know until right before he gets home that he's coming. I planned out my husbands birthday to a T, had everything perfect and then he got stuck in Virginia... it's our life, it happens and it sucks. But it's life.

2. You Pick Your battles... {aka unless it's actually worth fighting about, don't.}
When you see someone every day, sleep beside them every single night, and the longest you ever say goodbye for is 8 hours so you can work, picking your battles may not seem so essential. You can fight over the petty things, you shouldn't but you could. It's easy to waste your words when you have infinite time together. When you only see one another once every few weeks you start to learn what is important and what isn't. Those dirty socks on the bathroom counter, his towel on the floor, his stinky shoes or the fact that he hasn't taken out the trash are just some of the many things that just aren't worth wasting the precious few days you get together on.  In fact you will probably find that there are very few things worth fighting over now. I can only thing of one fight we've had since he went OTR that I don't regret... and it was about our families, something that sadly is a battle worth fighting. There is ALMOST NOTHING that is worth fighting about anymore, and we're both happier for it.

3. Skype is NO Substitute for a Goodnight Kiss {and you answer your phone when it rings, no matter what.}
Before R went OTR, if he called me in the middle of the day while I was in class I'd let it go to voicemail, I slept with my phone on silent at night, and I didn't worry if I missed a call and he didn't answer when i called back. Not anymore, if he calls while I'm in class, and i'm able I leave, if he calls at night I wake up, and if i can't get him on the phone after he called me, i worry. Because the fact of the matter is i never know when I'm going to get to talk to him, we live on his time schedule now, not mine. If he's three hours behind us and calls me before he goes to bed, i answer that call at 1 am, like wise if I get up at 5 am, i don't call him. I don't want to wake him up, especially since he may have just gone to bed.  The hardest part is not being able to kiss him good night each night. I miss that, saying good night over the phone or skype isn't  even close to being the same thing.

4. Your Family Becomes More Important Than Ever
With R gone, spending time with my family, and with his, has become even more important to me. The thing that's been hardest for me to learn is that I'm not the only one who misses him when he's gone. His parent's and grandparent's, as well as his little brother all miss him just as much as I do. So when I get a chance i go home and spend the weekend with them, because if he was home that is what we would be doing together. It's just as important for me to spend quality time with my family, going to High School Football games with my dad and sister or going to visit my mom and step dad really help take my mind off of how much I miss my husband. Family is important, especially when you're spouse is somewhere across the country, they're important to get you through this and you're important to get them through this too. Don't forget that, and don't try and go it alone.

5. People Aren't Going to Understand (aka the "Why Don't you... {insert activity here}" Phenomena.)
My personal favorites are "Why don't the two of you have kids?" and "Why didn't R come with you?" The answer to both of those questions is simple. My husband drives a tractor trailer... I see him once a month, if that. We don't have kids because we don't have time to try to have kids, and if we did have kids he wouldn't be around to raise them... because he's never home. The second question is even more annoying because it comes from people who KNOW what my husband does for a living... and who should understand that there isn't a poof button that makes R magically appear.


6. When He is Home You Won't Make Plans... you just won't.
The only thing worse than having your spouse gone 90% of the time is spending the entire 10% of his time home out with friends, or home visiting family, or even worse, in the car getting to those places. This is ridiculous to expect that when he's home for two days, that we are going to spend all of those two days out of town visiting relatives. It's absurd!

7. Waking Up Alone is the Second Worst Feeling in the World {aka In reality there is one thing that feels worse than waking up alone.}
Don't get me wrong, waking up in our king size bed by myself every morning is a pretty lonely feeling, but I've learned that there are worse feelings in the world. The feeling I get when I see a tractor trailer that has been involved in an accident on the side of the highway, or that deep pit i get in my stomach when I hear about a driver who has been killed in an accident. That feeling is something I can't explain, even if R is 1000 miles away and I know it, the moment i see or hear about a Tractor Trailer being involved in a wreck I'm paralyzed with fear. I worry about him constantly. It's just something i've had to learn to live with over the past few months.

8. Texting is Not Always An Option...
This one is self explanatory... he drives for a living, texting and driving is dangerous and illegal... we don't text much.

9. Grocery Shopping For One Is Depressing, But It's Also Great For Your Budget.
The world doesn't make recipes for one... I've actually debated writing a cook book called "Cooking For Lonely Losers" one that is full of recipes for one. Or having babies just so I have someone else to cook for (only half joking here)

10. Even on the Worst Day's He's Still Your Husband, You Still Love Him, and This is Still What's Best For Your Family.
For now i have to remember that this wasn't his choice, that he wants to be home with me, that he still wants to start a family, and that He hasn't abandoned me... thats the hard part, not feeling abandoned. He made this choice with us in mind, our future, those future babies, and our dreams and goals. He chose this job with those things in mind. SO if i think its' hard sacrificing my time with him now I just remember that this isn't forever, and that makes it better.


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